Love for Sale - Valentine's Eve

Here I am, again posting on Valentine's 'Eve' for another year! The funny thing is, my husband and I don't actually celebrate February14th. Don't get me wrong, we don't consciously avoid it. I have no boycott-type feelings about it at all. But somehow it's not one of our 'special' days - probably because it never figured into our original courtship.

But of course, it's a special day for Romance, so let's celebrate that!

And, as usual, there's a flurry of articles floating around the interwebs regarding romantic love. It always seems to bring out everyone's gripes or applause for Valentine's Day. And along with it comes the big question: WHAT IS ROMANTIC LOVE?

Obviously, this is a question quite important to anyone pursuing a relationship or looking for a partner. But it's also a huge question for Romance writers. What image or theory of love are we infusing into our writing? What 'brand' of love are we selling?

In his article on the BBC website, "Down with Romantic Love", writer Mark Vernon makes his point against the "romantic myth". According to Mark, this myth "...is that there is someone out there with whom your life will be complete, and conversely, without whom your life would be a half-life."

Okay, so we can toss poor Mark out of the Love Boat and condemn him as he falls overboard. It's easy to feel defensive when someone is critiquing a concept you hold dear! Do I believe that if someone is single, they are living a half-life? Hell, no. Is it possible for two people to become more than the sum of their parts when together? Hell, yes.

The truth is, it's not so black and white as Mark lays out, and I somehow doubt that this ''romantic myth" is nearly so pervasive as he implies. There is a middle ground, and this middle ground is where I intend to remain.

My fear is not so much that too many people will believe in the destructive "romantic myth". My worry is that not enough people in this world believe that true, deep, exciting, long-lasting and 'romantic' love is actually possible. After all, what is 'romantic'? Isn't it something to do with that little thrill you feel when you haven't seen that person for a few hours or days, and you see them walking towards you and you know that they are somehow, irrevocably YOURS? That you share a life, and being in it together makes it more exciting, not less?

I totally agree with Mark when he says that, "Love is made in the gritty ups and downs of being with someone who is as flawed as you." I'm with you there. But that doesn't mean that after years of marriage or partnership that you shouldn't expect there to still be a spark. That when the honeymoon is long over, you should stop yearning for thoughtful gestures and playfulness in your partner.

So here's the sorta love I want to "sell" in my writing...

• A love that is HOT. There is chemistry. There is steaminess. It's a match so true that even your bodies know you should be together. It's not everything, but it's pretty essential.
• A love that digs down DEEP and keeps on digging until all the darkness and shadows are out in the daylight and you can sift through them and cry through them and get to the other side. 
• A love that is REAL. Eyes-open, grounded and made to last.

Not much to ask for, right?

Happy Valentine's Day, Romance - we're not giving up on you yet!

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever." – The Notebook


Image Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

Twitter Update - Four Months On (and Still Alive)

A mere four and half months ago, I dipped my toes into the 'twitterverse' for the first time. Has it only been that long? I blogged at the time about my first week survival story, and exactly a month later, my experience of the social-media implosion that resulted. More than three months later I am still on twitter (more than ever!), and thought I should post a little update.

The Numbers Game

Okay, so I know there are some out there with THOUSANDS of followers. That can be a little intimidating and depressing when you're still looking at mere hundreds on your profile. But really, is that a bad thing? I decided to take an organic approach to growing my tweep circle, and tend to follow people I find via...

• Guest bloggers on blogs I follow
• Interactions with people I already follow (yes, I am poaching YOUR wonderful friends!)
• Them following me*

*Let me just say right here that I do not auto-follow. No one should be so desperate as to follow every single twitter user/account/spammer that comes along. I always check a sample of their tweets before following. If it looks like spam but they don't bother me, I ignore them until they eventually go away. If they start messaging or tweeting rubbish at me, I block them.

Best Practice

"But you can do what you like on twitter...can't you?" NO. Goodness gracious, no. Like any other human interaction, twitter has etiquette all its own. But thanks to being a new platform that many writers seem to be thrust onto without a great deal of internet savvy, this is often forgotten. Okay, so I'm more than certain I've broken ALL the rules at some point or another, but there are a few obvious things I've observed which make all the difference.

MAKE A CONNECTION

Say hello when someone follows you. "But WHY?" you might ask. Because we're all essentially strangers. I still feel incredibly awkward the first time I try to jump into a twitter conversation. Saying 'Hi, thanks' right after a follow means you've opened up the communication channel (AND been polite. Mom will be proud). It also reminds them that you are a real person with an active feed, and lets them know that you noticed them as a human being too. 

I try to say a tweeted 'thanks' to everyone who follows me. I'm sure I get behind and miss people completely (sorry!), but I at least try. So as not to clutter up my twitter feed, I tend to combine the latest 5-8 followers in one tweet. No one seems to mind, and they also get exposure to other tweeps! Win-win. 

Best example: I once followed someone, and when they followed back they tweeted a thanks AND commented on one of my latest tweets. They got added to my 'Faves' list instantly. From one tweet.

PLEASE DON'T:

• ...Direct message (DM) me right after I've followed you - automatically or otherwise! It's a bit creepy. Why can't you say 'Hi' in public? And if it's an auto-reply, why would I want to talk to your answering machine?
• ...Try to sell me your book right away. I'm probably not even interested in the free download. Most definitely not interested in the free download SAMPLE. I'm following you because I'm interested in what you have to SAY. If I want to read your book, I'm sure I can find it. You have links to it all over the place.
• ...Hide your twitter information on your blog so I have to scroll and scroll and search and search. I actually want to FOLLOW YOU. Please make it easy for me?

BE REAL

The simple truth is: the people I love to follow on twitter are not the ones posting links to their book on Amazon every 3 minutes. The people I love to follow are the ones who talk about their lives in an honest and genuine way. Their joys and sorrows, their struggles and their success. And yes, it helps when they are incredibly hilarious just by being themselves.

Getting Organised

The reality is that there are two types of tweeps in the world

1. The kind you follow because you actually love reading their tweets.
2. The kind you follow to build your network.

Does that sound harsh?  But you all do know what I mean. How can anyone follow hundreds (or thousands?) of people, read ALL their tweets, and still have time for a life? You just don't. So the order of the day is prioritisation.

There are likely many more ways to stay organised with your tweets (please feel free to add any tips!), but two things have helped me wade through the ever-rising tide of tweets and tweeps: Twitter Lists and Tweet Deck.

• Twitter Lists are functionality native to the Twitter website, and are a handy way of organising the tweeps you follow into categories or groups. This allows you to view a feed of tweets from the members of that list only. For example, I have a 'Favourites' list for the tweets I really don't want to miss, a list for Romance Writers, and list for Publishers/Editors/Writing associations and so on. This way I can view a tailored slice of my twitter feed without getting overwhelmed. I create all my lists as 'private' lists, but you can also create 'public' lists which others can subscribe to.

• Tweet Deck is an app which you can use online or from your desktop. It allows you to create multiple columns from whatever criteria you like (such as your lists), and gives you a broader view of all the activity that's taking place at once. If you're having a chat or conversation, this is a great way to keep up and not lose the thread. Having all your lists visible at once also makes it much easier to keep tabs on all the tweets coming in. Think of it as central command with a lovely big console! It can be a little overwhelming, and brings back images of the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, but you get used it it pretty quickly.

There are new apps and software options emerging all the time, however, so try out a few and find out what suits you best. Some others (which I have yet to try):

• Slices for Twitter
• Hootsuite - Social Media Management
• And more...

Beatrice Recommends

Here are a few brilliant folks (in no particular order) I've been following and interacting with lately and are worth checking out. They tend to be knowledgeable, generous and all have the ability to make me laugh until I embarrass myself and others :

Ksenia Anske (@kseniaanske) - Young Adult author with an uncanny ability to articulate the fears and joys of writing your heart out. Her tweets and blog posts are pure sustenance.

Jennelle Holland (@authorjennelle) - Romance writer, sock-monkey adopter and regular blogger at Teatime Romance. Jennelle chats about amazing food inbetween reading and reviewing a mad number of books. A woman after my own heart!

Maisey Yates (@maiseyyates) - romance writer with a penchant for (very) rich sheikhs (in her BOOKS, silly), there is never a dull moment in this woman's twitter feed! I submit the fluffy purple unicorn as proof.

Karen Woodward (@woodwardkaren) - Urban Fantasy author who really knows how to blog! Whenever I'm feeling underqualified to do anything in this writing world (which is often), I'm off searching Karen's archives like a fiend.

Well...what are you waiting for?! Go follow them!

Falling Out of Love...?

Uh-oh.

I think we're all familiar with the age-old advice that you should probably only write in a genre you read and love? How often have you heard authors criticised for writing in a genre just because they think it might be 'easy' or lucrative and not because they read it themselves? If this is true, and if the basis of which genre you should write in can be gleaned from your current bedside-reading stack, then according to my current Goodreads To-Read bookshelf, I should be...wait for it...

...a Sci-Fi / Fantasy author.

Wups.

That's right. Wall-to-wall Stephen King, Robin McKinley, Charlaine Harris, J.K. Rowling...the list goes on. I've even made a separate bookshelf called 'Guilty Pleasure' on which to store these non-Romance sins, as if they were my junk-food addiction! It appears that I am a secret-reader. A sci-fi/fantasy binge-eater.

It has not escaped my notice that of late, I have not been particularly...enthusiastic, shall we say, about reading romance. As this is my genre of choice, this poses a little problem, as well as the question, "WHY?"

(Okay, not as in, "OH MY GOD, WHY?!?" Let's not get overly dramatic.)

So I've had a long, hard think about this (read: sipped a glass of wine and pondered during the commercials of the hot hot men of Chicago Fire). I've advised myself NOT to panic. But it begs the question... have I fallen out of love with Romance!? And if so, am I writing in the wrong genre?

After some deep soul-searching (or was that deep fridge-searching?...still watching Chicago Fire), I came to a semi-solid conclusion for myself.*

The reason I haven't read anything romance-y in a while is because I hadn't found anything really GREAT that is romance-y to read. Maybe I've been frequenting the 'free books' section of eBook sites too much. Maybe I haven't been actively pursuing the best authors out there. All I know is I have countless novels on my Kindle of which I've read the first page and then hit the HOME button in a hurry. I'm not reading them because I'm not enjoying them, and I'm not enjoying them because I DON'T LIKE THEM.

So this is obviously where I get on my (little white) high horse, right? No, not really. Okay, granted, some of these books were complete drivel and were painful from the first sentence, but some of them were just...not my style. Coming to this conclusion reminded me of something very important. It reminded me of why I started writing in the first place. That, "I could totally write something as good as this," moment. That, "I know what I LIKE and I want to read THAT," moment.

The reason I may not be someone else's 'Perfect Reader' (and run away after the first page) could be because I am MY OWN perfect reader. Okay, that sounds weird and pretentious, but really, it's why I write in the first place. I like to read about a particular kind of guy. I like to read about a particular kind of girl. I like a particular mix of mystery or suspense or psychology or whathaveyou.

So this got me thinking. Am I actually thinking carefully enough about what I like as a reader when I'm writing my stories? Because if I'm my own perfect reader, I better write something that is a) GOOD, and b) something I'm going to LIKE.

So what next...?

I'm going to try two things:

1. Find some romance I really love, and read/re-read it. Rekindle the spark. Remember what I loved about it and why.

2. Nail down what it is I REALLY, TRULY love to read about, and make sure I'm putting 100% of that into my writing.

So what drives you away from your genre? Is it true that you should read predominantly in your chosen section of the bookstore, or should one have a varied diet?

Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it; write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will care for it.    ~ Jesse Stuart

* Disclaimer: This may not be the same reason that YOU stop reading romance. You might have found a new hobby, for example, such as crocheting or reading Fullmetal Alchemist. Each to their own.